Friday, January 2, 2009

A (Scented) Candle in the Wind

Every once in a while I have moments of genius only rivaled by the person who developed COURIER NEW FONT which makes a 22 pager paper = a 30 page paper.

My moment arrived in August 2008 and it is no coincidence that I also got married in August.

I want to present my theory as fact, because I am mostly irrational and far from logical. 

Here it goes:

If you get married, you almost immediately start purchasing and using scented candles, it just happens.

Before August 2008 I did not know much about the Yankee Candle store which is conveniently located at your nearest mall.  These days my trips to the ol' Yankee Candle Store feels like walking into a G**D**** Best Buy.  

On a typical night I cannot get 10 feet into my home without having a "Christmas Sugar Cookie" or "Mango Ginger" lit up like an F'N Xmas tree.....OH how the mighty have fallen.

I have got a stockade of this stuff loaded (and stored in the linen closet) and ready to rock n' roll at a moments notice.  You can't run from it, just try.  Marriage = Big Scented Candles.

I feel like this may not be all together groundbreaking, but just look at all your friends who are recently married, check their homes, it basically validates my BA in History.  If my final paper did not have be about the 17th Century Jesuit Relations in Canada, then it would have been about Marriages and Candles!

A few words of advice.....Do Not go to the store and go on a candle smelling spree, I went on a binge and I got nauseous and had to leave the Yankee Candle store abruptly.  Also, don't be afraid to branch out and get some good deals on candles at places like Pier One Imports or even Kohl's.....Heck, go bat-shit crazy and get a soy candle.

Also, find your scent.....My wonderful wife is a Mandarin Cranberry.  The candle was about the only Xmas present she did not return, it never fails!!!

PS - Go do yourself another favor and try the mango soda from Wegman's, its scrumtrulescent.



  1. Classic! So true! I noticed, however, that you failed to include gay men into the equation. Gay men become familiar with scented candles long before straight men. Even when we don't have candles lit, or house smells of fruit (no pun intended).

  2. Danny, you've GOT to go here...its a must.